How Terrible News Forced Me to Reflect On My Life and Make Some Much Needed Changes
I had envisioned starting the 2019 New Year off with a bang. This was going to be different, I told myself. I was going to start opening up more, writing more, release more content, share more ideas, prepare for starting a podcast, offer more of my thoughts, and experiences, and focus on the re-branding of the website for 2019. I was focused on reintegrating myself back in the world. I wanted to start delving back into areas I was passionate about rather than just focusing and getting lost in my job. Then I received the news that crumbled me. My motivation, inspiration, and focus was immediately diverted. I got the news that my father was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate and bladder cancer.
It came out of nowhere. I remember sitting there, staring at my phone, not really sure how to think or feel about the news. Then I started to think about my own mortality and the realization that my father is only 20 years older than myself, and 20 years, in retrospect, is not that far away. I took a long hard look at my life, my habits, and my current actions and I realized that I was not where I wanted to be, what I expected to be, and even reflected hard on whether or not I was happy with my life.
I am not completely happy. Even though I have a son who is an amazing young man and brings me a sense of pride that is undeniable and indescribable. I have a great job, a roof over my head, and money in the bank. I just personally believe that my life’s potential has been unrealized up to this point, and I have allowed myself to settle and just began existing in this world rather than living. I don’t think I have truly been living my best life. My relationship with my family has been distant. It has been this way for years, and I am just as much to fault for it as the rest of the family. It is always a million excuses why I can’t. It’s too late, I work too much, I am on a job, etc.
Now my father is about to battle cancer, and I am realizing that I have wasted so much time on excuses. Excuses that have stolen time, emotion, and health. I cannot help but think about how our excuses impact us. Something as simple as picking up a phone is too “inconvenient” because we feel it isn’t the right time, the right situation or moment to do something. It really is bullshit. I know it, you know it, and allowing these excuses to control our actions and behavior is only going to land us with years of regret and guilt.
I may not have started 2019 with the bang that I was expecting, but the hard hitting reality check that came with the New Year was enough to allow my perspective to change. They say that you need to find your “why” to make big changes. It is true. The why needs to be big enough to motivate you to do the things you need to do in the moments you don’t want to do them. Whether that is getting up off the couch or putting down the video game controller to go to the gym, call your family, build a relationship, or put time and effort into something that is meaningful to you.
Find your why. Find your reason to make the positive changes you want to see in your life. Stick with it, and when times get challenging, because they absolutely and inevitably will, reflect and remember your reason why you are doing this, and keep moving forward. Don’t just settle and exist. Live your best life. That is my personal goal for this New Year.